


in threes

by quietdays



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Relationship, yes im that hoe now.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-14 16:21:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13593855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietdays/pseuds/quietdays
Summary: the past, present, and future.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS SO BAD IM SORRY ITS SO RUSHED  
> anyways i listened to falling for u and i just wanted to write my 95 line ....  
> as usual not proof read or edited bc i hate myself.

past.  
  
it's nights like this that reminds joshua that jeonghan and seungcheol are still human.  
  
he forgets they are human and then he sees them under the dim lights of the dorm. when seungcheol rubs his face exasperatedly as he looks at tomorrow's schedule (the group hasn't even debuted yet, almost--so close, but still so far that there's always the chance of failing. he doesn't know if he'll be able to break the news to twelve pairs of hopeful eyes that everyone has to go home if this all falls through). when jeonghan's eyes start to fall asleep and they silently decide to give him five minutes of rest before seungcheol has to wake him up to help him deal with management. (they start to hate it at some point. but they don't break it to anyone else, they don't break it to the group, to the management, to anyone, not even each other. they see ten pairs of eyes when they close theirs and then they remember it's not only their dreams on the line. all of them are still kids but they're the oldest, they have this responsibility. they bear with it.  
  
they bear with it.)  
  
it is when seungcheol's frown gets deeper, when jeonghan's head starts to nod down, when all of their hands start to shake from the fatigue that joshua realizes none of them are invincible. it is when the witching hour comes when they all start to feel desperate.  
  
and then joshua stands up and goes to the kitchen. if jeonghan starts to nod off, then it's certainly time for a break.  
  
seungcheol does not notice, his eyes still trained on the paper that stopped making sense hours ago. jeonghan notices, but he's far too tired to ask, his head resting on seungcheol's back just wanting the day to be done already. besides, they've all done this routine already.  
  
he comes back with three mugs, all filled with coffee. the scent brightens up seungcheol and makes jeonghan's face scrunch with disgust.  
  
"coffee." they both say, with varying degrees of excitement. seungcheol as if like a kid inside a candy store and jeonghan as if a kid that's been told he was grounded.  
  
joshua just silently laughs at the both of them. they've all done this routine numerous times, it doesn't mean the novelty wore off (though, he thinks the novelty will never wear off. every night, without fail, he looks forward to seungcheol's bright eyes looking at his mug as if it's a gift of god, making grabby hands at it; every night, without fail, he enjoys making fun of jeonghan for his apparent distaste for coffee yet still finishing his mug. then he starts to think a life where he can forever bring them coffee; both morning when their eyes are still laced with sleep, and night when their eyes are tired and weary but they can't find themselves to sleep.  
  
and then joshua stops thinking. he can never afford to think further than that. he does not allow himself.)  
  
"a gift from the gods." seungcheol toasts before he takes a sip of his. jeonghan eyes his warily.  
  
"don't worry, i poured the whole jar of sugar in there." joshua tells him, amused. and when jeonghan finally takes a wary sip of his, he follows up with: "what a big baby."  
  
"not my fault coffee is as bitter as you." he tells joshua with no heat. "tea next time please."  
  
"if there's a next time." he replies. jeonghan just rolls his eyes.  
  
silence befalls the three as they drink their coffee in peace. warm and hearty. it fights the drowsiness and sleep away, but they all know it'll come back with a vengeance after an hour or so. seungcheol finishes his first, joshua second, jeonghan doesn't finish his but seungcheol does.  
  
"did you really put the whole jar of sugar here?" he blanches as he takes a sip. "i'm gonna get diabetes off of this."  
  
"it's just two spoons of sugar with a bit of milk." joshua laughs when seungcheol looks at him with a mildly offended face.  
  
"this is why no girls like you cheol." jeonghan speaks up, his whole being resting again on seungcheol's back. "it's because you actually like black coffee."

seungcheol rolls his eyes and finishes the whole drink in one gulp. he returns back to his paper, but not before saying: "when i decide to quit and you debut as an idol, i'm gonna spread rumors about you bullying me. let's see who girls will like now."  
  
silence befalls them again. it doesn't take a full five minutes when joshua breaks the silence.  
  
"we'll--" joshua falters and before he can even think to discard his train of thought, seungcheol and jeonghan looks at him. "we'll debut right?"  
  
and he can't help but scold himself for sounding so unsure. for sounding so pitiful. for sounding so small. he has faith in all of the members, but he does not have faith in himself. he cannot see a future in where he is standing on stage, the spotlight on him. it's impossible to even think of.  
  
all of a sudden he feels hands on his shoulders and he is suddenly being pulled into a hug. he embraces the two of them back to the best of his abilities. it's uncomfortable, hot and unpractical but it's jeonghan and seungcheol. joshua is sure he'll cross an ocean of lava if it was for them.  
  
"you are an idiot, joshua hong." jeonghan tells him in his ear yet his grasp on him tightens, as if trying to convey a message he cannot tell him himself.  
  
"wow, thanks for the vote of confidence." joshua replies dryly and he can actually feel jeonghan rolling his eyes.  
  
seungcheol just hugs them a bit tighter. joshua thinks he can't breath, that he's already drowning. even before he noticed it, he's already fallen.  
  
"we'll debut. i'll make sure of that." he tells the two of you with such certainty that for some reason, despite how impossible that is--how unstable the talks the three of you have with the management, somehow joshua believes in him.  
  
(and when he thinks of standing on stage by himself, the spotlight on him, it seems like universes away. he doesn't think he'll make it, he withdraws, shying away from everything and then--  
  
he feels the warmth of two men behind him. they're hands on his back as they stand on the same stage as him as equals.  
  
and then he thinks, yes, that's a possibility.)  
  
...  
  
present.  
  
jeonghan debuts with all of them.  
  
he stands on the same stage as joshua and seungcheol with ten other guys that he cares for like his own siblings. they all stand under the name seventeen (despite jeonghan rallying and always voting for the name: "jeonghan's angels") and everything seems right.  
  
he doesn't bear responsibility anymore. seungcheol, jihoon and soonyoung bears it. they all lead the group with such grace and efficiency that any other pairing seems unthinkable. that the three of them were born to lead seventeen, that seventeen was created for them to shine.  
  
and that's okay with jeonghan and joshua. they're not exactly people who shine (jihoon, seokmin and seungkwan takes those places in their unit), preferring to support. and that's what they do for the group. support.  
  
junhui and minghao comes to jeonghan when they misses china too much that they don't know what to do with themselved. (the chinese restaurants of gangnam will never be like home and jeonghan knows that, but he likes to think it makes a difference.  
  
especially when minghao complains that the dumplings here will never compare back home and that "hyung! you definitely should come back with us so that you'll taste actual good chinese food!".  
  
he thinks it makes a difference when junhui stops crying, only to taste the dumplings minghao was complaining about, changing to anger as he agrees whole-heartedly about the quality of food.  
  
jeonghan thinks that they are better like this. arguing about food like kids, instead of crying desperately for a home they miss.  
  
it's worth it, he convinces himself. it'll all be worth it in the end.)

seungkwan comes to joshua when he feels too tired. he comes inside joshua's room with sad eyes that looks like he's been crying all day. joshua remembers that one of the managers shouted at him a while ago so he scoots over the side of his bed and puts down the book he's been reading. the younger just wordlessly lays down and curls into a tight ball. joshua draws him near his chest, and he does not comment if his shirt starts to become wet. (moments like this where joshua needs to be strong. where he needs to stop thinking about if it's worth it. everything that hurts is worth it.  
  
at least he hopes it is.)  
  
the two of them come to chan when he's quiet. he's always been a quiet kid but, there's a certain quiet they look out for. jeonghan's always been more adept at noticing when he's been too quiet, when he's been spacing away far too often. he hangs out by the roof and it's always jeonghan who comes to him and stays with him until his breathing evens out and he stops gasping for air as if he's drowning. they both come down from the roof, and joshua is always waiting dor them with cups of tea and a warm smile.  
  
("i feel like i'm losing my self." chan tells him during the times he's finally calmed himself down enough to have a coherent conversation. "i don't know if it's worth it."  
  
jeonghan pulls chan into his arms. "it's all worth it." he lies to him. it's easier to lie to the kids more often. jeonghan doesn't tell him that he also doesn't know if it's worth it.)  
  
it is jeonghan who tells jihoon it's time to take a rest. it is him who hides jihoon's keys to the studio when he goes there far too many times in a week. it is joshua who watches out for soonyoung. it is him who stays up late waiting for soonyoung to come home, more often than not even looking for him in the dance studio.  
  
they don't come to seungcheol though. they're too hesitant in doing so.  
  
instead the three of them meet in the middle.  
  
they meet in the rooftop, where jeonghan has a blanket wrapped around all three of them and joshua has a thermos ready to pour hot chocolate for anyone. the moon is bright, the wind is cold, and they really should go inside or else they'll get sick. joshua looks like he's about to pass out and seungcheol has long fallen asleep, his hands holding joshua and jeonghan's hands as if it is his lifeline. his face is relaxed, he looks younger than he is. it's easy to forget that seungcheol is also human sometimes, but moments like this makes him human, more reachable than the usual.  
  
jeonghan takes one look at joshua and seungcheol's faces and decides it's worth it for them.  
  
...  
  
future.  
  
sometimes, seungcheol dreams of the future.  
  
he dreams of soft and calloused hands and gentle smiles. he dreams of a figure leaning on his back while someone else pours him coffee as he works. he dreams of success. he has these dreams that he wishes are prophetic.  
  
but they're too nice. too good for him. he doesn't think anything of it.  
  
he's too tired nowadays but he's not too tired to dream. he dreams of coming home to a house filled to the brim with coffee. of two people waiting for him and suddenly he feels like he's on cloud nine.  
  
he grasps their hands, try to make sense of their faces but it's hard. he knows them though. he knows them.  
  
he hears the guitar, hears the bass and he wonders where he fits in all of this. if he were okay enough and younger, maybe he'd throw a fit about how confusing this whole thing is, about the blurred faces that seems so near yet so far. (but he's not. he's now taking care of twelve people. he cannot afford to be young anymore. the lives of twelve people lie on his shoulders and some days he feels like atlas bearing the world)  
  
the dreams come during the night, as he sleeps between jeonghan and joshua. the burden he feels on his whole body becomes lighter. he is enveloped in warmth. he knows it's going to be all right. he just knows.  
  
he dreams in threes. he dreams of luck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey  
> tw  
> but kinda vague though

if there is something seungcheol knows, it is that he should get a hold of his emotions.  
  
it is not befitting for a leader to act like this, not befitting for a leader to not be able to control how he feels. a leader is the pillar of everyone, the foundation of the team, if it crumbles--it drags everyone down with him. he should not be a liability to seventeen, not with how many faces look up to him as if he knows all the answers.  
  
the moment he realizes he's the oldest was the moment he has promised himself to no longer be choi seungcheol, teen wannabe idol-rapper but choi seungcheol, oldest and leader of seventeen.  
  
(he'd rather die than be the reason why seventeen falls down.)  
  
so he starts smiling. early schedules? no problem, he'll make sure everyone's ready in time. a schedule coinciding with his parents' anniversary? it's okay they'll understand.he has a bad headache, the worse it's ever been since debuting, but he still has a performance? he'll just take two painkillers, and he'll be ready to go! missed family occassions? it's okay, it'll be worth it.  
  
it's going to be worth it.  
  
and it is worth it. this is what he wants. this is what all of them asked for.  
  
seungcheol just tries his best to calm down his fellow members when they get too catatonic. when soonyoung becomes too withdrawn, having messy breakdowns in the practice room when no one is there but the three of them and inspiration is far and lost. when jihoon just rests his head on seungcheol's back and his sniffles can still be heard no matter how hard he tries to hold them back.  
  
it's worth it. things that hurt are always worth it.  
  
(but seungcheol starts to doubt that after the third time he has to take care of soonyoung after vomitting from stress. starts to doubt that when jihoon locks himself up in the studio and only comes out gaunt and skinnier than before.  
  
he doubts even more when hears from other members that chan has been up in the rooftop too many times with jeonghan in tow. that seungkwan has been sleeping and crying in joshua's bed instead of his own. that hansol breathes heavily in his own room when he's alone, trying to drown out everything with his loud music. that junhui and minghao cries every night for a home they might never visit this year.  
  
and seungcheol starts wondering how he didn't noticed all of this.)  
  
(truly a worthless leader.)  
  
so he locks up everything in his heart, throws away the key in the han river so nothing ever comes out ever again. he's not the only important person in his universe anymore, he has twelve kids to take care of. twelve kids to protect. they're far too important to him that he willingly does this. willingly fights his own managers for even at least one free day, willingly gives his coat to minghao (who hasn't gotten used to seoul winters) even if he himself is feeling the cold in his bones, willingly gives chan all the pieces of meat he has on his plate, willingly lets hansol sleep a few more minutes in even if they're all running late.  
  
he protects them.  
  
(but who will protect him?  
  
no one. he's made sure of that. he won't let these kids be tired like him. won't let these kids feel weary even if it kills him.)  
  
but of course, things never go choi seungcheol's way. fate hates him like that.  
  
joshua and jeonghan's touches are far too much and far too little. when has he started looking at them this way? (and his mind whispers to him: pre-debut.  
  
when joshua brings them coffee during sleepless long nights of finalizing the bureacaucy of the group. when jeonghan tells them to rest because their brains doesn't work anymore and there really is no use trying to make sense of big words when they're all practically half asleep. when they share the same bed because all of them are too tired to go to their respective beds so they try to share one small bed and one small blankets that always lead to jeonghan hogging all of the blankets, joshua the pillows and seungcheol on the floor.)  
  
(when has he drifted far away from them? when can he be selfish again?)

but no human is perfect, no human is infallible, and while seungcheol tries his best to be everything inhuman, it doesn't change the fact that he still is human.  
  
he breaks.  
  
he is on the rooftop. breathing heavily, tears starting to blur his vision, the beginnings of frostbite on his face and he really should go but he doesn't dare move. not with the fear that the moment he moves, every little emotions he has hidden and pushed down his very core will break away. he is not weak. he will not crumble. he hasn't for how many years? he won't start now.  
  
and then he feels a hand on his shoulder, drawing him away from the edge of the rooftop, into the chests of jeonghan and joshua. they whisper words of comfort to him but he doesn't hear them, he's too busy crying to do so.  
  
they make him sit down on the floor and jeonghan wraps a blanket around them. joshua makes him drink hot chocolate from his thermos and he starts to feel a tiny bit better about himself.  
  
"i didn't want this." seungcheol says, his breathing becoming more stable as joshua and jeonghan rubs soothing circles on his back.  
  
"we know." they say and seungcheol starts to think maybe it's okay to crumble when he's with them, he trusts them to put him back together or lead the group if the worst comes to worst.  
  
"we didn't want any of this." seungcheol says, tired of everything evident in his voice and eyes, and they smile at him. he can't read any of their expressions but the probability of this being a dream is so high, seungcheol realizes, the probability of this being a figment of his imaginations is so damn high that it's sad. but he doesn't care. this is how he'll be able to do it.  
  
first he leans into joshua, the closest to him, and presses a chaste kiss to the corner of his lips. then he does the same to jeonghan.  
  
"i love you two." he tells them, and he finally feels the exhaustion of crying all night, finally feel sleep overtaking him. "please don't hate me."  
  
and then silence. there is nothing to be heard other than the soft snores of seungcheol. joshua and jeonghan arranges themselves so that he won't wake up with a stiff neck tomorrow.  
  
the rooftop is cold but it's okay. it's worth it.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to follow the 1st chapter's theme (whosmtdve was based on falling for u) and was kinda inspired by flower but i wasnt able to cram any flower metaphors in it so i consider this a bust

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry for how awkward cheol's is. i just wanted to finish this.jdj i might rewrite this in the future huhu


End file.
